number two-hundred-and-one.

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number two-hundred.

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number Hundred-and-ninty-nine.

I just realise everytime when I have feelings that I can't seem to express, I'll always turn here.
Sorry this is ending up as my venting spot, but I really need somewhere I can express my thoughts and there isn't someone who can judge me, my own personal bubble.. though it's on the internet and I am almost as bare as expressing my thoughts on my twitter or tumblr.

My iTunes is playing Watashi wo tadoru monogatari by Arni Kumari on repeat. I hadn't really search the meaning of this song but the song really touch me in a way or another. I remembered the first time I heard this song was when I was frenetically chasing through 3Nen B-Gumi Kimpachi sensei. The season when there was Yabu Kota and Yaotome Hikaru starring in it. This song appeared in the mid of the show when Hikaru was losing his parents due to drugs and him getting himself addicted to drugs too. I remembered crying along because even though I hadn't really understood the emotions lying so bare in the show, the song had brought me tears. Maybe I should throw up the translated version of the lyrics here too.

Watashi no tadoru monogatari(Story that follows me) - Arni Kumari

A boy who’s been slapped in the face
Cries alone in the street at sunset
“I hate my dad”, he says harshly
As he looks at the sky, distorted by his tears

You called out to the distant future
But, unconcerned, it didn’t reply
But that’s your fault
For hiding yourself

Gripping the pencil tightly
You write the word “me”
In just the "me" on the white notepaper
You’re telling me your dreams

Only you can write that story
That story called “me”

A boy who’s had his hair cut
Cries alone in front of the mirror
“I hate my mum”, he says in a choked voice
Glaring in humiliation at his reflection

You say “If I were born to different parents
I’d be different”
But you’re wrong, of course
If that was the case you wouldn’t be here

Gripping the pencil tightly
You write the word “me”
Just the "me" on the white notepaper
Has brought us closer

A story that follows you
A story called “me”

It's almost hilarious how this lyrics is running close to heart. To be honest, who hadn't consider the 'what if' to who they were born to? Everyone seems to unsatisfied with their life and the things they were given now. The level of discontent, is always so high. There is always a chinese saying that goes "happiness runs in simple contentment" yet, who truly achieve that? Probably nobody.

This few months I had met some new friends, bond better relationships, lost a couple of people who I thought was going to be with me a long way through down my road of life. To say that I had met Hi-SPiRiTS was the best thing that happen to me, I have to be realistic and say no. The reason being is that, I had only been through twenty years of my life, the best thing to me is that thank you I have been born so I can meet more people and learn more things. However, if you were to say the best thing that I have happen to me so far in my twenty years living? Maybe meeting the seven of them would be one.

To say that things hadn't and wouldn't change between the eight of us, would be a down-right lie because we had almost lost a member of us and one of us isn't willing to accept him back, claiming that a leopard would never change it's spots and so does that particular member of ours. To be honest, I thought she was really selfish with that and hadn't gave him a chance to prove himself. Though I had never knew him as well as she did, but everyone deserve a second chance to change so who cares if the both of them didn't had a good closure? Give him a chance to make things right isn't it? No, you're going to take the broom and chasing him out of the door. Don't blame me if I say you are really childish, sheesh.

There was this member in the group that I had grown to think that he reacts like me, just like what my best friend always tells me. Lets just name him A in this post. This A, is someone who had a depth in his speech and thinking. It is almost safe to say that he thinks more deeper than some who is a few years older than him. I always remember that we use to tease him for being such a oldie trapped in a young boy's body, then again, that was then. Nowadays, after he got together with his girlfriend, the gradual change he have can't be neglected. I hope I could say she hadn't been a bad influence to him because, it's not her fault that they are in love and that he is beginning to change. His best friend is telling me that he realise that A starts to lie about things. It isn't like he hadn't lie before because I lies, his best friend lies, my best friend lies, his girlfriend lies, everyone lies. What had make his best friend fall into such disbelief is that he doesn't lie to him and now, he does. It wouldn't be a big deal actually, its just that when A lies, he doesn't cover for himself as well? Things just bare themselves to us as time goes by and A reacts like nothing happen before. I find that really scary. I mean, how could someone lie and act as if nothing happen? It's so hypocritical.

A starts to turn rather temperamental nowadays. He snaps at people, with words of sarcasm in his sentence. He doesn't treat him sister in the right way. He doesn't care about how people when he talks. It gets into people's nerves nowadays. We could be understanding at times, but not all the time. To be honest, it inks me off badly when I hear the way he talk to people nowadays. I want to be nice and say I'm fine with you,really when I'm totally flipping at times. Talk about who is being hypocritical now.

A is rather rude. Maybe it's just me but I couldn't stand the way he talk to his best friend who happen to be five years older than him. It would safer to say that the people he hang out more now, are all older than him. I am technically the youngest in the older line in the clique and I'm already three years older than him, what more the rest of them? Seriously, have a little bit more respect in the words you use to us and stop cutting into people's sentence or I'll personally sew up that mouth, gosh.

I think I need a proper breather myself as well. Or maybe, I just can't go out with the same people too much or everyone will just rub me off in the wrong way. I need some time so I can stop judging people. I don't want to judge, really.

number hundred-and-ninety-eight

I am feeling terrible, really terrible.

I am having the time of the month when I want to get a good rest today and hang out with my best buddies but I just had to have cramps. This is not happening to me but it did.

I really want a big teddy bear. Teddy bear are nice, they are light brown in color and are huggable. Some are white in color but i prefer the brown in color ones.

Whines.

Bye.

number hundred-and-ninty-seven

Hello.
I think I like blogging quite a bit.
The reason being might be that it gives me reason to type on the keyboard.

I like typing on the keyboard, it's always something that makes me feel quite comfortable in. It is like singing to me, just that singing is something I don't think I can stop doing but typing on the keyboard is just something i like, not love.

Currently sitting in my INP class now. My elective classes have been great but definitely not the best. I can accept whatever I am doing but I am not sure if this is what I am going to do when I step out of Temasek Poly and seriously start my own journey in life. I mean, I'm not as young as I think I am or as how the adults deduce me as. There are things I should be worrying about.

Oh well, I am not sure.

number hundred and ninety-six

Well, hello. It's an understatement to say that it had been a long while since I came here because.. the last time I blogged here was during september, last year. Now that is way more than long while, it was 365++ days ago since I last blog here so it's effing long ago.

Life have been great to me, I suppose. I am still scraping through school, though sometimes barely.
My best friends are still around me, we still fool around a lot and laugh like hyenas without a care about the public(maybe just me).
I have lost some friends, gain back a few.
I still fight with my family members over the most trivial things, but we get back together again by the end of a drama serial.

I suppose life have been treating me well, yes.

Yet, I believe I have changed too. I would like to believe that I have changed for the better though I think I judge people more than I used to.

..okay, maybe I did not change for the better.

I might not be a perfectionist, but that doesn't stop me from trying to look for perfection in the certain details of my own life so I will be less imperfect. I can change things about myself, but it often take more effort to place everything in action then verbal. I often say that I should keep an open mind about the people around me, but I tend to end up thinking secretly that 'hey, I have a gut feeling that they are talking about me, seriously, and it might not be a good thing'. It can be quite a burden because, really, they might not have been talking about me but with my overly sensitive sense, they will really end up talking about me.

Twitter, have been the thing that was introduced to me by Claudine and Poh Yock during march last year.
I remember creating it together with the both of them at Claudine's aunt's house. The twitter name 'sehMEEc' was created then by Claudine who said that it sounds like 'sammie C' and everyone agreed to it. I would like to think that twitter have been the cause of all 'evil' because.. the indirect bitching that I have learn to pick up over the stretch of the couple of months, wasn't something that I think I should be proud of. In fact, I think I should be really ashamed of such behavior I have display because, it's something really immature and I am already close to 20. Yet again, if I had let all this infuse into my behavior, I should be questioning my own morals and personality instead of blaming people.

I think I can still fix that before it turns ugly. I mean, on the bright side, at least I know there is something wrong and I am going to rectify it, with all that I can.

I hope I can be the adult in future that I would not regret being. Life is starting, though it's okay to make mistakes and be sure not to err again, I don't want to have the ugly mark in my life that I will cringe when I am old and winkled, looking back at the things I do.

Well, time to work hard.
Good luck Sam.

number hundred-and-ninety-five.

I really have to say this but I have no idea how long have I not come back here to have a look at this blog already. Somehow in a way or another, I miss blogging here. Tumblr is fun but it lost it purpose when people began reading it and change my words. But I am over it and I have met more people and became happier..in a way or another.

Its holiday now. And I'm wasting my youth away. its not exactly like my youth anymore since the fact that I have already graduated from secondary school for the past year and graduation from secondary school is almost equvient to graduation from high school in those country who has high school and mid school and all those extra terms here and there that I doubt I could understand. Maybe the only different is that all we ever got is a O level cert whereas they have a diploma. They could even start working now with that diploma cert. Well, maybe the fact that their college entrance exam is hell and poly in singapore just have to make sure you have a good O level cert and you can land in whatsoever course that you are interested in. Well, even Junior Colleges that offer you like an almost direct entrance into university if you scrap a handful of good A level results. Yet, in the overall end, examination kills our brains.

I was watching Mr Brain again earlier and it was said that normal human being use up to only 5% of our brain capacity. So if to say that those normal genius uses 10% of their brain capacity, then who uses up to 100% of their brain capacity? I suppose only God does. Since he is the man who created us, he uses every part of his body to the fullest capacity right? That makes him almighty. Just wondering, how many percentage of my brain capacity protential am I using? Maybe less than five percent since I'm sitting down here wasting my life away and my skin cell to detoriate on its own. How awesome.

Ciao..or rather since I am so into Japanese-pop instead of Korean-pop(thanks to those fans who never fails to amaze me with their new found vile in going after idols and killing those other fans with their languages be it in vebal-wise or body-wise), I should just say this.

Owari.
Ja-ne.